Who is your grief counselor? Fear or love? Whichever one is guiding you will affect everything: the decisions we make, whether we respond calmly and rationally or compulsive and angry. It even affects the thought life we have around our grief. The motivation behind each of these items is determined by who is your internal grief counselor: fear or love.
Grief is different for everyone
As humans we are blessed with unique strengths and weaknesses. These contribute to the way that we experience grief. Grief is a side effect of any type of loss. A loved one’s death certainly leads to grief. Emotional pain as well as anger and regret are just a few of the ways grief manifests.
Grief and loss that is not processed can often be the beginning of a long road of emotional distress. Our response to stress during times of grief can be very telling of who we let counsel us? Who is your grief counselor? Is it love or is it fear?
Who is your grief counselor: Fear or Love?
There are many amazing grief counselors who will sit down and listen as you process your loss. Finding the right therapist or counselor is crucial. However I am not talking about a mental health professional. It is said, what comes out of your mouth comes from your heart. If you are consumed with negative thoughts and fear what you speak and how you respond will reflect that. Fear of the future, fear of failure or even fear of what people think of you will start to manifest itself in your grief and in other areas of life.
In the same way making decisions based on love produces different results.
A heart counseled by fear
- Avoids facing truth
- Does not get their needs met
- Is full of anger
- Communicates poorly
- Tries to control outcomes and others
- Seeks validation until they find someone to co-sign on their judgement
- Avoids and struggles with intimacy
A heart counseled by love
- Accepts others unconditionally
- Communicates their needs fully
- Is okay if everyone does not agree
- Take responsibility for their own reactions and emotions
- Sets appropriate boundaries
- Allows people the freedom to be themselves
- Stays away from making assumptions
Emotions are heightened during times of grief. Leaving room for less than ideal behavior during hard times is understandable. When this behavior becomes a habit it can become harmful. Not only does it affect the ones around you. It can have a major effect on your own physical and mental health.
There is nothing wrong with fear. Fear is normal. Feeling afraid is necessary to keep us from doing unsafe things. However fear is a pretty crappy counselor.
Let love be your grief counselor
Let love be your counselor. Healing from a place of love feels like freedom. As we get counseled by love we honor our loved one who is gone. It leaves you open and available to help others who experience grief like you. Coming from a place of love keeps your heart open to be truthful about your feelings. Expressing yourself fully without fear of what others may think is freeing. Growth and healing comes when we release ourselves from the many fears that surround us.
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