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Unforgiveness and Grief

Unforgiveness and Grief

How do unforgiveness and grief affect each other? To truly understand unforgiveness we must identify forgiveness. Forgiveness means different things for different people. In general it is an intentional decision to let go of resentment and anger. On the flip side unforgiveness is the intentional decision to hold on to resentment and anger. 


Loss of a loved one will produce grief. Grief is normal. Everyone experiences grief at some point in life. Each human’s experience with grief is unique. 


Your grief may not look like someone else’s. The way people grieve varies based on personality. Past experiences. The depth of the relationship with the deceased. There are numerous factors that influence the way someone grieves. 


Grief After Loss Is Normal

Experiencing grief after loss is no surprise. It is expected, it is normal and it is healthy. There are many support groups, counseling and journaling prompts for grief.


But what if the grief is on-going, unprocessed or self-defeating? Could there be something else keeping you from growth and healing?


Unforgiveness and grief often work together in weighing down our spirit. Unforgiveness however is often more hidden. It seems counterintuitive to seek out your places of unforgiveness during times of grief.


What Does Unforgiveness Have To Do With Grief?

 Loss of a loved one is not your fault. In fact you are the victim of the loss. You have to live without them. It is your burden to carry the weight of their absence. How could I possibly need to forgive somebody, you may ask?


However if you really dig deep you may realize you are holding onto unforgiveness. Anger and resentment can fuel your grief in an unhealthy way. Hanging on to those feelings without proper processing can cause more pain. That unforgiveness is holding onto you, and it’s holding you back.


Anger And Resentment Is The Recipe For Unforgiveness

Do you feel anger and resentment toward anyone?  


The people who think you should grieve differently. 

Anyone who gets to grieve out loud while you have to hold it together. 

The rest of the world who are unfazed by this enormous loss in your life.

 Even the person who died, why didn’t they take care of themselves. Why didn’t they fight harder for you? 


There are a million opportunities to feel anger and resentment in grief. 

Are You Held Captive By Unforgiveness?

Unforgiveness can really hold you captive. Grief may feel it has taken over. But is there unforgiveness hidden there? When you are not aware of your captor it is impossible to plan an escape. 


Once you know that unforgiveness may be affecting your grief you can confront it. 

Find additional grief support here. Work through unforgiveness so you can start to process your grief in a healthy way. 


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