After the death of a loved one it seems everything reminds you of your grief.
When you buy a new red SUV, suddenly you notice all the red SUV’s. If you are in an unique relationship, such as interracial you notice all the other similar couples in public. After losing your Mother you notice all the moments others are having with their mother.
Have you found it to be true? Whether your loss is new or if time has passed there are certain things that you never paid attention to until your loved one died. Now everything reminds you of your grief.
Reminders of your grief seem to hit you at every corner
Grief is an interesting thing. Everyone grieves in their own way but there are certainly similar experiences between us. Grief comes in waves. One moment you are feeling hopeful and the next you don’t know how you can go on.
One of the hardest things to deal with when you are grieving is the fact that life goes on for everyone else. Your world changes and you must figure out how to adjust to this new life without a very important loved one.
The rest of the world carries on even when you have experienced great loss. Sometimes you just have to get out there and take care of business. You head out to work and are fully engulfed in a project. Your mind is on your work, it is almost a nice reprieve from all the crazy emotions that coincide with loss. Then an ad for a cancer fundraiser comes on the radio and the next thing you know your grief floods back in because it reminds you of your loss and your grief.
Things that you never even associated with a painful thought now can feel like a full on assault. All the things that remind you of your loved one and what you are missing without them can be surprising. You may even feel anger or guilt when certain things bother you.
Will my grief ever heal?
There can be pressure to heal from your grief. If you are feeling sad long after a loss others might think, wow, shouldn’t they be over that by now. Some may even accuse you of not dealing with your grief properly because you haven’t accepted the loss. These reactions can be hard to hear from others and can even create feelings of guilt.
The reality is that there is no one way to grieve and healing from grief is a myth. Grief changes over time. You may learn how to deal with it as time passes but you never stop missing someone and you may always feel grief. That can sound exhausting but as far as I see it, it is freeing to know that you can grieve in your own way without feeling the pressure to make your feelings go away.
So if you find everything reminds you of your grief, remember this quote; “Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.” When you are reminded of your grief try to rewire your brain to think of it as an expression of love rather than a sad or negative feeling.
You see a Mom with their children and it reminds you of all you are missing with your Mom. Tears hit the corners of your eyes. Feel those feelings, let the tears flow and say WOW Mom I really love you.
Having support for your grief is crucial to creating a hopeful future, find support here.