Grief doesn’t leave. If you are in the midst of grief you may be desperate for the pain to subside. Or you may feel as though you subconsciously do not want pain to subside because the pain feels equal to the love you have for the one you have lost. What we know is that everyone grieves differently. Each person’s grief story plays out in a way unique to themselves.
There are some myths and misconceptions about grief that can get into our head and create a feeling of failure if you are still grieving years later. They say, “time heals all wounds”, however that quote can be one of the most misused quotes there is. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. Time may change things but grief doesn’t leave.
Misconceptions about grief
Healing from grief means it is gone.
When we talk about healing from grief we have to be careful in defining what that means. If you think about healing a disease, healing occurs when there is no evidence of disease in the body. Grief is different. Really there is no full healing from grief because our losses change us. Grief doesn’t leave.
It is a fluid step by step process
We talk about the stages of grief. It is nice to see what you may experience as you grieve. It is a nice starting point to identify your feelings. The problem is that the stages are not fluid. You can stay at one for a long time, you can go backwards and even experience them out of order or not at all.
Something is wrong if you are not at a certain stage of grief
If you still find yourself grieving even years later that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. Having grief support and being able to process your pain is very important. However when you lose someone they will always be in your heart. You will still grieve, even if it looks different than it once did.
Getting over a loss
Has anyone ever asked you if you are over it yet? Are you over your loss or has your grieving stopped? Most people probably don’t mean harm when they make such a statement. It is likely they haven’t experienced a similar situation. The reality is that it can be jarring to hear such a question because how could you be over the loss of a loved one. Life goes on but it does change you. Grief doesn’t leave.
There is healing as your grief. Grief changes. How you deal with your loss changes.. But the person you loved and lost will always be grieved for in some way. Grief doesn’t always have to be sad. Grief reminds us of the love we had and the legacy we will carry on.