Should I talk about suicide with them?

Talking does not cause the death

by Chaplain Julia Rajtar, MAPS, BCC

If you talk with someone about suicide, does that plant the idea in their head? Families bereaved by suicide, such as those with the Bakken-Young Suicide Loss Support Group, know that this statement is false and want to share with others one of the many things they have learned.  Talking about suicide does not put the act in their heads.  

Myth: “Talking about it will put the idea in their head. “If you’ve noticed the warning signs, the thought is already there. Asking directly tends to bring relief, not risk — research consistently backs this up.  (NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness)

See RECOGNIZING THE WARNING SIGNS (AAS- American Association of Suicidology) for more information about recognizing the signs and how to respond. Suicide risk does not always look the way people expect.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides a tip sheet for having a conversation when someone might indicate to you that they are having thoughts of suicide.  Let them know you care and that you are listening.

• First of all, reassure them you hear what they’re saying, and that you’re taking them seriously.
• Show your support in this or a similar way.
• Make sure they know you’re there with them, and that you care.
• Find out about changes in their life and how long they have been experiencing them.
• Find out how long it’s been that the person has been feeling this way, and any changes it’s caused in their life.

If you think someone’s thinking about suicide, trust your gut and ask them directly. Learn about suicide risk factors. Research shows it will not put the idea in their head or push them into action. Often, they’ll be relieved someone cares enough to hear about their experience with suicidal thoughts.

“Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

“Does it ever get so tough that you think about ending your life?”

Make sure not to sound like you’re passing judgment 

(DON’T say: “You’re not thinking of doing something stupid, are you?”) 

or guilt-trip them (DON’T say: “Think of what it would do to your parents.”)

Instead, reassure them that you understand and care.

“I really care about you, and I want you to know you can tell me anything.”

What can you say if they tell you they’re thinking about killing themselves?

Stay calm – just because someone is having thoughts of suicide, it doesn’t mean they’re in immediate danger. Take the time to listen calmly to what they have to say, and ask follow-up questions.

Go to: Talk Away The Dark (AFSP – American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) for the full guideline and script on how to have a conversation with someone who may indicate they are having thoughts of suicide.  Talk away the Dark (download)

If you or someone you know is in crisis: Call or text 988 or text TALK to 741741.

Resources:

American Association of Suicidology

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention 

Collections / Talk Away the Dark Resources (AFSP – American Foundation For Suicide Prevention)

Bakken-Young Suicide Loss Support Group

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)

SAVE (Suicide Awareness Voices of Education)