Tears and Laughter Together, Celebrating Mother’s Day

by Julia Rajtar, BCC, MAPS

A text message from my sister said, “Mom made Kare 11’s tribute to Mom’s for Mother’s Day,” and then she sent the screenshot out to family. There was a photo of my mom’s and my sister’s beautiful smiles for everyone to see, along with other moms.  I smiled, and I cried. It’s been over 10 years since mom died, and yes, I still cry.

Moms hold special places in our hearts. They sometimes do the impossible, in caring for us, feeding us, keeping us clean, providing shelter, and love. Moms sacrifice, not out of any sense of obligation, but out of heartfelt, unconditional love.  Watching the next generation have babies and raise their own children helps appreciate the special bond between a mother and her child.

There are times, too, when the bond between a mother and her child is tenuous or strained. The relationship can be difficult, and the love shared may not be unconditional.  We can still love our moms, riding an emotional roller coaster when the love feels unreturned or not freely given. When mom dies, and this was the type of bond with mom, it can be helpful to not only grieve the person, but grieve the relationship we hoped for but never had. If your relationship with mom was strained, please subscribe to our newsletter and watch for our fall webinar, focusing on this topic.

If you are a parent whose baby or child died, the loss is both heart-wrenching and overwhelming. It is a loss that remains with you forever, as do all losses, and affects you differently. These losses generate another layer of loss, the loss of hopes and dreams for the relationship and child.  You are still a parent, still a mom. Grieve and celebrate as you are able.

Around Mother’s Day, let us honor those women, and sometimes even men, who gave us the love and care of a mother.  There is no checklist for being a mom, and there is certainly no perfect mom.  Moms make mistakes, and so do children.  Let us find it in our hearts to forgive each other’s imperfections and to allow love to prevail.  Our grieving is an expression of that love. 

Mother’s Day

How can it be Mother’s Day?

You are not here.

You are not here to receive my card.

I am an orphan.

You are not here to receive my gift.

I am an orphan.

You are not here to receive my hug.

I am an orphan.

You are not here to hug me back.

I am an orphan.

Yet you are here!

Along the corridors of my memory

you bake and wash,

bathe and touch,

scold and question,

comfort and soothe.

So, today, while many celebrate Mother’s Day

at brunches and dinners

I will wander through my memories

remembering how you mothered me.

Grieving the Death of a Mother, by Harold Ivan Smith

Resource:

Smith, Harold Ivan.  Grieving the Death of a Mother, Augsburg Books. 2003.