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It Will Never Be The Same Again: Holidays While Grieving

It Will Never Be The Same Again: Holidays While Grieving

by Julia Rajtar, MAPS, BCC

 

“It will never be the same again,” is a statement often expressed by the bereaved after the death of a special person.  How do you hold holiday celebrations, traditions, rituals, and have fun while the tug of the heart and mind pulls you back to all you have lost? On the other hand, people will invite you to their holiday celebrations, so you are not alone.  Sometimes the bereaved feel guilty about saying no, in addition to all the other emotions associated with the holiday. And sometimes, we try moving forward through the holiday, as if nothing has changed. Yet, if you were close to the person who died, everything has changed. 

 

In the children’s book, What Does Grief Feel Like?”, author Korie Leigh, Ph.D. writes, “After my special person died, I had a lot of big feelings, sometimes I had all these feelings all at once, I didn’t know I could have so many mixed-up feelings at once.” For some, just beginning to think about the holidays can generate a sense of helplessness and hopelessness.  All those feelings come up together, amplified. What do you do with all the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that come up at the holiday? What do you do with the holiday? Keep it, change it, do something completely different?

 

There is no checklist to guide us through the holidays. Grief is unique and individual as are families and relationships. There are certainly things to consider and plan for, ahead of time. Additionally, engaging those closest to you in some of this conversation, whether it’s about what you need this year, or what you will have to let go of, can support you and them, and alleviate some anxiety around the holiday. 

 

Here are some resources to help you prepare for the Holidays. 

Bakken-Young’s 2024 Webinar:  Mindful Holidays

 

Website Articles:

Holiday Grief Advice: From Coping Skills to Honoring Love – Heather Stang

How to Say No to Holiday Events While Grieving (Without the Guilt) – Heather Stang

 

There is no one right way to celebrate the holidays.  Here are some upcoming webinars to prepare for the holidays while also grieving. 

 

Bakken-Young offers a complimentary guide to assist you in planning for the holidays. Visit the River Falls or New Richmond office to pick up your free copy of “Grief and the Holidays” starting on October 15.

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