Grieving in Public: Tips During Celebrations and Holidays

Grieving in Public While Celebrating the Holidays and Tips for Honoring Your Grief

by Julia Rajtar, MAPS, BCC

At our Bakken-Young Service of Remembrance in New Richmond, I requested that my brother’s name not be included in the reading of names. My grief, though, had another idea.  While singing Silent Night, I choked up and started to cry uncontrollably; my oldest brother died this year. Like those in attendance and online, I hoped I could “keep it together” and if I couldn’t, I knew I was in good company. However, I had to speak at the end of the service and wanted to pull myself together. I started out ok, but as I shared a holiday wish on behalf of Bakken-Young, I choked up again and could barely breathe to finish the statement. 

At our Service of Remembrance in River Falls, I agreed to acknowledge my brother by name, and I, too, was given a remembrance, along with all the other bereaved. What I encourage others to do, I did myself, gave myself permission and space to grieve, and relieve some of my own stress. Sometimes our vulnerability appears in public places.  Rather than hiding it(because hiding it creates awkwardness for ourselves and others), allow it to come naturally. Sometimes, in our grieving, we also teach others what we need: time, space, and maybe someone to “protect and allow for” that space for us, especially in public spaces, for whatever comes flowing out, tears, talking, sadness, confusion, however our grief is expressed.

We know grief comes and goes like ocean waves; some call it grief bursts. However we describe it, it is both normal and natural, and I intend to have a few more of those moments this holiday season. Tears, along with other thoughts and emotions, are a natural response to the sadness of a death or loss. It’s nothing to be fixed. There is no magic time frame for grief, and we all grieve in our own way. 

As we approach the new year, I often hear widows or widowers say things like, “I can’t imagine the new year without them.”  It’s hard to imagine the start of, much less facing, a new year or holidays or another significant date without them. The feelings of loneliness and that loss of intimacy can leave us struggling or wanting to be completely alone to focus on ourselves.    

In addition to allowing yourself permission to grieve, whether in public or private, this blog offers a variety of links to resources to help us cope during the holidays and into the New Year.  They include practical and creative ideas for coping.  

Resources & Tips for Honoring Your Holiday Grief

Beard, Betsy, “A New Year without my Loved One in It,” Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, A New Year Without My Loved One In It, TAPS Magazine, 12, December, 2021.  Accessed 12 December 2024. 

Haley, Eleanor or Williams, Litsa “Archive for Holiday Season,” A variety of articles on Holiday Grief and Ideas for Coping, What’s your grief? , Archive for Holiday Season.  Accessed 12 December, 2024.

Stang, Heather, “2025 New Year’s Eve at Home Grief Meditation Retreat”, HeatherStang.com, 2025 New Year’s Eve At Home Grief Meditation Retreat. Accessed 12 December 2024.

Stang, Heather, “Grief in the New Year: 6 Mindful Tips to Cope”, HeatherStang.com, Grief In The New Year: 6 Mindful Tips To Cope. Accessed 12 December 2024.

Stang, Heather, “Cope with Family Estrangement During the Holidays: Mindful Tips for Emotional Well-Being”, HeatherStang.com, Cope With Family Estrangement During the Holidays: Mindful Tips for Emotional Well-Being.  Accessed 12 December 2024.

Stang, Heather, “How to Say No to Holiday Events While Grieving(Without Guilt)”, HeatherStang.com, How to Say No to Holiday Events While Grieving (Without the Guilt). Accessed 12 December 2024.