Funeral Guide

Here, we go over funeral do’s and don’ts, what to say or not to say, dress codes, etc. Read and prepare via our Funeral Guide here, and contact us for grief support.

Funeral Guide: Actions & Attire

Wearing the right attire and practicing etiquette is crucial for showing your respect for the family. Here are those tips:

• Wear business formal.
  • Women: Skirt or dress to your knees, blouse, flats, or comfortable heels (not too high!). Modest attire is best so find something that doesn’t show skin and isn’t too form-fitting. Pencil skirts are fine if they are to your knees.
    • Black pencil skirt with flowery long-sleeve blouse or short sleeve.
    • White sundress and a jean jacket.
    • Black dress, shirt, dress pants.
  • Men: A button-up shirt, dress pants, and dress shoes. Don’t wear shorts unless the family requests a casual celebration of life. Dressing formally will make a great impression on the family you are respectful and want to be present.
• Sign the Guest Book.
• Respect their beliefs and traditions.
• Children may be challenging. If you are bringing them, only do so if they can handle it, if appropriate (depending on their relationship to the deceased), and may be quiet. If a child or infant starts to cry, quietly take them outside to help them calm down. Sometimes families have no choice but to bring their little ones so offer patience if the service is interrupted by a baby crying.

Funeral Guide: What to Say vs. Not

Trust your gut. If you aren’t sure what to say, sometimes just a hug and saying “I’m sorry, I don’t really have the right words to say,” might be the best option. Actions speak louder than words. Here is a guide on how to say things if you want to:

Do

• Describe the hardship of the loss.
  • “I can’t imagine what this is like for you…I’m really sorry this happened to you.”
  • “This is really hard…I’m sorry you are going through this.”
• Offer support.
  • “I am here for you and want to help. What can I do for you?”
  • “How can I help you at this time? I know nothing may truly matter but I want to support you.”

Don’t

• Talk about yourself.
  • “When I lost my…”
• Offer support you don’t intend to fulfill.
  • “Let me know if you need anything.”
  • “I’ll be here if you need anything.”
  • “Call me if you need anything.”

Funeral Guide: Religion

While it is wonderful to support one another with our beliefs and pray for one another, there are rules when practicing someone’s religion you may not be a part of. For example, if you are not Catholic, it is required of you to not participate in receiving Holy Communion (as Catholics are required to be in a state of grace). Respectfully stay in your pew, pray, and be silent. If you truly want a blessing, you may go up to the priest, cross your arms over your chest, and get a blessing before sitting back down. For other services, respectfully refrain or stay silent. If you aren’t comfortable with doing something outside of your beliefs, the best thing to do may be to show up after the religious service for the luncheon or before a wake. Sending a card, and making a meal for the family are other good options if you can’t make it. Your first step should be to talk with the family that is grieving their loss and follow their instructions and wishes. This will mean a lot to them.

Bakken-Young is here to prepare and support you

If you want to read more of our Funeral Guide, click this link.