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Remembering Fathers and Father Figures
Every June, Father’s Day rolls around, and with it come cards, commercials, and photos of smiling dads with their kids. For some, that’s a joyful day. For others, it’s one of the hardest days of the year.
You might be missing your dad, a grandfather, a child, or another father figure. You might also be carrying a complicated father relationship—one that holds both love and hurt, or perhaps mostly hurt.
If Father’s Day after a loss feels heavy this year, you’re not alone.
When Father’s Day Hurts
This day can stir up a lot:
- A sharp ache when you see other families together
- Memories that are both comforting and painful
- A sense that everyone else has something you don’t
- Confusion about how you’re “supposed” to feel
You may want to honor your father or child, but not know how. You may want to ignore the day completely. Either way, it’s okay. There isn’t one correct way to move through Father’s Day after a loss.
Letting Your Experience Be What It Is
It’s common to judge yourself on days like this: “I should be more grateful,” “I shouldn’t still be this sad,” or “I wish I felt something different.”
Try, instead, to give yourself permission:
- To feel exactly what you feel, without apology
- To step back from social media if the photos are too much
- To say no to plans, or to change your mind if it’s too hard
- To cry, to laugh, to remember, or to simply make it through the day
Grief doesn’t follow a script. Neither does Father’s Day.
Simple Ways to Remember
If you have a father, child, or father figure you want to remember, you might consider a small, personal act of remembrance. It doesn’t have to be big or elaborate.
Some possibilities:
- Light a candle near a photo and spend a few minutes in quiet
- Visit their resting place or a spot they loved
- Make a meal they enjoyed or listen to a piece of music that reminds you of them
- Share a story with someone who knew them—or write one down just for yourself
These moments can be a way of saying, “You’re still part of me,” even when they’re no longer here.
When the Relationship Was Complicated
Not everyone had the father or child they hoped for. If your relationship involved distance, conflict, absence, or hurt, Father’s Day can bring up anger, regret, or questions alongside grief.
In that case, “remembering” might look less like warm nostalgia and more like:
- Acknowledging the pain or unmet needs you carry
- Talking with someone safe—a friend, counselor, or faith leader—about your story
- Writing a letter you don’t send, just to get your feelings out of your head and onto paper
Your grief is still real, even if your love and your pain are tangled together.
Taking Care of Yourself
As the day approaches, it may help to think ahead:
- What would make this day a little more bearable?
- Who could I reach out to if it feels too heavy?
- Is there one small, kind thing I can plan for myself—a quiet walk, a favorite movie, a simple meal?
You don’t need to make Father’s Day “good.” It’s enough to move through it with as much gentleness as you can, knowing that it’s okay if it’s a hard day.
At Bakken-Young, we see how deeply Father’s Day can touch those who are grieving. However you spend it—alone or with others, in remembrance or in quiet—we want you to know that your feelings matter. Your love and your loss are seen.
You don’t have to carry this day by yourself.
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