Christmas & Coping With Loss

The holiday season brings glittering lights, traditions, and messages of cheer at every turn. But for many who are grieving, the Christmas countdown can feel like an overwhelming test—a reminder of who is missing and how life has changed. At Bakken-Young, we want to acknowledge that you aren’t alone if Christmas feels out of sync with your heart. Coping with loss during this season is deeply personal, and there are some simple, practical ways to care for yourself while honoring those you miss. Here’s our advice on coping with grief at Christmas.

Facing Social Expectations and Holiday Pressure

One of the hardest parts of Christmas after a loss can be managing other people’s expectations. There may be invitations, traditions, or family routines that now feel more burdensome than joyful. It’s easy to feel disconnected from others’ excitement or to worry about disappointing your family or friends. The truth is that grief may change what you want, need, or can handle—and that’s okay.

If you need to say no, leave early, or ask for support, remember:

• “Maybe” is a complete answer: Give yourself permission to change your mind about events last minute.
• It’s alright to skip certain traditions: Old activities can be painful. Let yourself create new rituals or go without them if that brings more comfort.
• Share honestly, if you can: Those who care about you may not know what to say or do. Let them know if you want to talk about your loved one or prefer other topics.

Finding Pockets of Peace

Christmas doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Even in the midst of sorrow, you might find (or create) small islands of peace. Here are a few ideas:

• Take a ‘holiday from the holiday’: Allow yourself a break from Christmas songs, cards, or decorating if they’re too much this year.
• Schedule “grief breaks”: Notice when you need to step outside, take a short drive, or spend moments in quiet reflection.
• Plan “easy outs”: Arrange for a friend to check in or give yourself permission for an early exit at gatherings.

Memory and Meaning—Your Way

You may feel pressure to “keep up” the traditions your loved one cherished, or to commemorate them in a certain way at Christmas. Remember, this is your grief journey. If remembering is too tender, it’s okay to pause this year. If it brings you peace, light a candle, donate to a charity in their name, or include their favorite dish at your table.

If you have children or teenagers grieving too, talk together about what’s meaningful, and let them share in the decision-making.

Supporting Children and Others

Children may experience holiday grief differently, expressing it through behavior changes, quietness, or even bursts of holiday excitement. Be patient and invite open conversations: “This Christmas might feel a little different—how can we make it easier for each other?”

Letting kids ask questions, make suggestions, and have space for all their emotions helps the holiday become a place for honesty, not just celebration.

Giving Yourself Permission

Perhaps the greatest gift you can give yourself is permission—to feel joy, sorrow, nostalgia, or nothing at all. Your well-being matters. Be gentle, lower expectations, and allow yourself to simply get through one day at a time.

When More Support is Needed

If grief feels too heavy or the holidays intensify feelings of depression or isolation, there’s no shame in reaching out for help. Talk to a grief counselor, join a support group, or call a trusted friend. At Bakken-Young, we’re here for you at Christmas and every season—offering a listening ear, remembrance events, and compassionate guidance whenever you need it.