“Am I Grieving Wrong?”

“Am I Doing it All Wrong?”

by Julia Rajtar, MAPS, BCC

A common statement from those grieving is that they feel like they are grieving wrong. Bereaved say: “I cry too much.  I don’t cry enough.  My friend told me it gets easier after year 1, and someone else said year 2 is harder.  They said I can always remarry, but I feel that’s being dishonest to my spouse. I’m told I should join a grief group, but I don’t want to do that.”

Grief is an adaptive, nonpathological response to loss. Grief is complex and complicated because people and relationships are complex and complicated.  Grief is person-centered in that the intensity and experience of grief are unique for every individual.  Grief is not solely an individual experience; grief is interwoven in a sociocultural context, influenced by family, community, and other social systems.

Join Pamela Gabbay, EdD, FT, a nationally recognized author, trainer, and consultant who has served the bereavement field in many capacities throughout her career. 

Dr. Gabbay is part of the Youth Programs Team for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) and is also part of the Training Corps of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). Formerly she was the Director of Operations and Training for The Compassionate Friends, the national non-profit serving bereaved parents. Dr. Gabbay is the co-author, along with Andy McNiel, of Understanding and Supporting Bereaved Children: A Practical Guide for Professionals. She served as the Director of The Mourning Star Center for Grieving Children and Teens, as well as the Director of Camp Erin Palm Springs, a bereavement camp for children and teenagers.

Am I grieving wrong?  Is everyone else grieving wrong?  What is the right way to grieve? What is the purpose of grief anyway?  Sometimes I want to tell people, “Don’t take my grief away!” “Is it ok to tell someone that what they are doing to support me isn’t helpful? I don’t want to lose their friendship, but I also find their support hurts me more than helps.”

If you find yourself saying some of these things, join us for “Am I doing It All wrong? Myths and Facts about Grief and Grieving” on Tuesday, April 14, 2026, 6:30-8:00 PM CST via Zoom.

Watch our website and the March newsletter for registration.