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Grief at the Start of the School Year: Caring for Children and Families
When the school year begins, many families are busy with supplies, new teachers, and changing routines. For families who are grieving, though, the start of school can carry an added layer of emotion. A missing parent or grandparent, an empty seat on the bus, or simple questions from classmates can make this time feel especially tender.
If the beginning of this school year finds your family carrying grief, you’re not alone. It’s normal for back‑to‑school time to feel different after a loss.
When School Feels Different After a Loss
Children may notice the absence of someone they love in small and big ways:
- A parent who used to take first‑day photos is no longer there
- A grandparent who always asked about school isn’t there to call
- A sibling, classmate, or teacher is missing from the classroom
- Everyday routines feel unfamiliar or incomplete
Adults may feel this too—standing in the doorway without the person who used to be by their side, or watching children walk into school with a mixture of pride and heartache.
Grief at the start of the school year doesn’t always look dramatic. It may show up as extra tiredness, irritability, or quietness as children and adults navigate change.
Supporting Children in Simple, Practical Ways
Children often pick up on more than we realize, but they don’t always have the words to express it. You don’t have to solve everything, but small, steady supports can help.
You might:
- Name that this year is different. A simple sentence like, “Going back to school might feel different this year since Grandpa died,” lets children know you see their reality.
- Invite questions. Let them know they can ask about the person who died, about what to tell friends, or about what might happen if they feel sad at school.
- Talk with teachers. Sharing a brief note or conversation with a teacher or school counselor can help them understand what your child is carrying, and how to respond with care.
Reassure children that it’s okay to feel however they feel—excited, sad, nervous, or all of the above.
Giving Yourself Permission, Too
Parents and caregivers are often focused on how children are doing and may overlook their own grief. The start of the school year may bring up painful contrasts: other parents taking photos, talking about family traditions, or planning activities that now look different for you.
It’s okay if you:
- Feel emotional on the first day and need a moment afterward
- Don’t want to do every tradition you used to do
- Need support from a friend, counselor, or faith community as routines change
Caring for yourself is part of caring for your children. Your grief matters, too.
Creating Gentle New Routines
You don’t have to reinvent everything at once. But over time, it may help to find small routines that honor both your loss and your new reality.
For example:
- Lighting a candle before school in memory of the person who died
- Saying a short phrase of thanks or a prayer together on the walk or drive
- Setting aside a time each week to check in about how school is going emotionally, not just academically
These simple acts can become anchors—quiet reminders that your loved one is remembered and that your family is still connected.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
At Bakken‑Young, we know that ordinary days like the first day of school can be anything but ordinary when you’re grieving. However your children—and you—are feeling right now, there is room for those feelings.
If you’d like help thinking through how to support your family in this season, or you simply need someone to listen, we’re here. You don’t have to navigate grief at the start of the school year by yourself.
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